The Shift

I can’t deny the shift that has taken place in our world today. There’s anger, pain, fear, confusion, heartbreak and all kinds of other feeling because of George Floyd’s death. Can I be completely transparent with y’all. A few days after the murder of George. I was determined not to get engulfed into the situation. I wasn’t going to watch the video (I had already made up in my mind). I wasn’t going to read every post that was posted about the situation. I was going to stay as disconnected as I can simply so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the grief, the hurt, and the pain that comes with it all.

I was conflicted y’all! Between me needed to know and me not really wanting to. So on Friday after work my friend came and picked me up and we went to grab some food and ate in the car (because yes we’re still technically on restrictions due to covid19).

As we sat it the car I turned on the video and I watched it! My heart immediately BROKE like right there. It broke I couldn’t believe that the police the ones that suppose to be protecting us civilians allowed themselves to be so out of control that they killed another black man for NO apparent reason. I WAS SHOCKED. As this man called out for his mother, for water, for breath, they (four white officers) did nothing.

I couldn’t BELIEVE it!

Do we not matter to this society? This culture? This world?

I recognize with myself that I had shut off that area of my heart so that I wouldn’t get hurt by the many situations that have happened around the would. I had been out of touch with the reality of what’s been going on Amaud ? Breonna? Chris Cooper?

I didn’t know because I didn’t want to feel it … Also I’m not comfortable with jumping on the bandwagon of what’s trending (Black Lives Matter Movement). So I waited … watched… read… prayed …

The reality of being born black set in in my own home late last year when my daughter who goes to a predominantly white school said to me that she didn’t want to be chocolate anymore. Imagine teaching your daughter since she was born that being chocolate is beautiful and one day she comes home and tells you she doesn’t want to be it anymore.

Red flags went up immediately. She told me that two little girls in her class said her skin looked like doo doo. I was fuming, my 5 year old daughter had come face first with an act of racism. I wasn’t ready. How long have we been fighting this fight ?

Today people are protesting. For the lives of George Floyd and others whose lives have been taken away by the hands of injustice. Also for generations to come. Black lives do matters!

I stand with them!

RIP George Floyd

Praying for Peace, Change, and Unity.

How are you feeling during this time ?

Be SWEET 🍯

The SET Back

There’s always a time in life were  it seems like we’ve been set back. Whether it’s not going to school at the right time, having a unplanned baby, or even staying at a job longer than suppose to be. I’ve had many moments in my life where I’m like, “dang, I feel stuck I’m not moving, or I’ve been here way to long but I don’t know what to do”.

Those are the moments when I secretly start to regret decisions that I have made in the past.

I’ve resented those around me who are moving forward and seem able to make decisive choices about where they want to be and what they need to be doing. Not realizing that they had a process that they had to go through too.

It’s funny to me how the world makes it seem so easy to choose or make a choice and stand on that choice. But when it all boils down sticking to a decision can be the hardest thing. Our choices not just effect us but those around us now and those who will be around us in the future. So when pondering my life I had to come to the realization that even my sets backs are an opportunity.

An opportunity for God to use me in a way that is fit for my life. And if I allowed Him to just use me for His will then He would shape me into the Woman I AM suppose to be. Even our set back are weaved into our journey though life as unperfect creatures. We see that it the lives of both Joseph and Daniel in the Bible. Like really who would have thought that being put in a pit by his brothers would lead him to the very kingship that he dreamed about (read Genesis 37-50). Or being dragged out of his country would have lead him to be one of the head government officials in the kings court (read Daniel).

Embracing them isn’t a easy thing. I sit back and wonder often how my life would be if I didn’t have a child out of wedlock and how different it would be if I wasn’t a single mother. But the truth of the matter is it would have been different but that doesn’t mean it would have been any easier. Sometimes we use our thoughts to counteract other thoughts to make ourself feel better instead of embracing the process that is for us (I’m clearly guilty off).

I’m ready to embrace ME … embrace YOU with me!

Be Sweet 🍯

The NEW Normal

Family

My family is a very dysfunctional family, arguing is a norm it happens like it’s a conversation. It isn’t a conversation if there isn’t some sort of yelling.

Funny thing is when I finally realized it I sat back to look at the situation.

Why is everyone yelling?

What is the underlying words that aren’t being spoken?

Do we really care about each other if we communicate like this?

What I know now is that we all were in the the same boat wanting to get out what we really felt but we felt as if no one heard us. So instead of having a “regular” coversation seasoning our words with grace we screamed it out.

I grew up with the notion that if I spoke up it would change the trajectory of my relationships whether it was with my parents, my former boyfriends, my siblings, my friends, any of my bossy, co workers, or my spiritual parents. But what I realize is that if I didn’t speak up then it would allow people to treat me however they wanted.

It comes down to a decision be bold or be afraid.

When you come to the realization that your voice matters too then you will not have a problem speaking up for yourself. You won’t say yes to everything and anything you’ll start saying no for the sake of GAINING PEACE and keeping it.

So if your one who struggles with talking I urge you to speak even when it may feel uncomfortable too! It may help change someone else’s life!

Be Sweet 🍯!

The Decision

IMG-8143.JPG

Change whether small or big is hard to adjust to something especially when we aren’t prepared for it.

I’m going through a period right now where I know that alot is about to change but I don’t know exactly who, what, when, where, and why and I don’t know exactly how to prepare. But I know that preparation is needed.

What does it mean to prepare? Well dictionary.com says that , “Prepared” means,  “properly expectant, organized, equipped; ready.”

So I have to ask myself am I prepared (ready) for the things that I’ve been asking God about i.e my husband to come, to move, my daughter being able to spend more time with her father, a new job, to start writing my blog, to write that book He’s laid on my heart to write.

Am I prepared (ready)?

What could I do to prepare?

See to be quite honest with you guys I always have had such a hard time with the preparation process. My thoughts were always when it comes then we will deal with it. I barely studied in school when it came to taking test or quizzes and I had a hard time handing in homework assignments on time. I have been a last minute type of person all my life which I’ve realized (through the Holy Spirit) that it’s only caused me more stress than anything and all it does is add extra pressure that I didn’t and I don’t need.

So I ask myself as I write this and I suggest that you ask yourself that same. What can I do to be more prepared in my life for whatever it is that I need/want to come? If I’m lazy/procrastinator how can I be more diligent?

For myself I understand the I need to take time at night to take out my daughter and my clothes so that I won’t rush in the morning also I need to make it a point to get up a few minutes early so I won’t be frustrated trying to get out the house on time.

It’s the little foxes that spoil the vine so why not nip it in the bud now so that I can see a reward later.

It takes sacrifice.

It’s takes endurance and it’s takes disciple.

Let’s take this next step together!

BE SWEET 🍯