The Purpose

The angry face

My daughter went through a surgery yesterday where she had to get her tonsils and her adenoids removed. She’s been in pain to the point were she doesn’t want to eat or drink, nor does she want to take her medicine which can soothe the pain.

Last night when I was making her some ice with juice she said to me “why would you do this to me?.” And I stopped and responded with, “baby I know it hurts now but it’s going to be good for you in the long run.” She just bust out crying because that isn’t what she wanted to hear.

As I comforted her I thought to myself how many times have I gone though some kind of pain in my life and asked the very same question. “God, why do I have to go through this?, why would you do this to me?” I’ve asked this question so many times before.

See what my daughter doesn’t understand is that because of her tonsils and adenoids she was having breathing problems which was messing with her sleep. She would wake up tired even after having a full night of sleep. Long term repercussions could have been sleep apnea.

Parallel to her the same has happened in my life (not with going though natural surgery, but spiritual surgery) were there was an unknown or unseen problem that God was fixing through my pain. Did I want to eat or drink the living word (no), did I want to take my spiritual medicine (read my Bible) no. I refused to be comforted just like Peyton.

What I didn’t understand was in the long run it would all be well worth it and I have thanked him for it.

How we perceive a situation isn’t always how God knows it’s going to turn out. He said in His Word “all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose.” His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.

So instead of us challenging Him whenever something happens that may not feel the best let’s lean on Him and not our own understanding.

Be Sweet 🍯

The Process

Written July 17, 2018

Man O Man the process... I find myself questioning this very thing. For the past 5 days I’ve been taking a close look at the life of Joseph and the process that he had to go through to get to the palace (read Genesis 37-50).The pit was unfavorable, the jail was unfavorable, being away from his father was unfavorable. Revenge, jealousy, envy, and hate carried him to Egypt but God kept him there. In the process he remained faithful to God. In the story not once do we see him begging God to remove the obstacles that we’re standing right at his doorstep.

So I had to ask myself why do I? Why do I want the easy way, no pain, no games, no hardships, no trials, no struggle just pure easy happiness.

But what if pure happiness comes with a price? Do I still want it? Do I suck it up when a trial comes my way so that in the end I can come out the way God sees fit for me to be?

Today I spent some times at the beach with God just reflecting and getting clarity about my life and “THE PROCESS”. Here I am 26 (almost 27) years old with a four year old co parenting with the person who I trusted when we we’re children to protect me no matter what. No matter the cost, no matter what we went through. I trusted him to be the one who wouldn’t dare to break my heart because when we were teenagers he would make sure I wouldn’t get hit by a train when crossing the tracks going to high school football games and look out for me in general like a big brother. He cared then and I expected him to always care. Funny how life turns a course on us.

A few months after I gave birth to my daughter, he found out that someone else was having his child as well. That crushed me! No we weren’t together but I trusted him to be responsible, my hope was in him. Not knowing that that would be what it took for me to hear God and even dare to try to develop a relationship with Him, to put my hope in Him. Which help me to grow past a lot of things.

Don’t get me wrong there have been some trials within the last four years. A little over a month ago I almost lost it because he decided he wanted our daughter to stay with him at his son’s mothers house. That was a tough pill for me to swallow. I couldn’t understand how someone can purse you so hard one day and when you make the decision that it may not be the best thing for you they can jump to the next. I felt bamboozled y’all.

I know, I know, I’m being real transparent but I’m hoping it’ll help someone. So my initial response was NO! and of course I had my reasons. But after I calmed down and allowed the Holy Spirit to talk to me all I could feel in my spirit was to let her go, I listened, I let her go but it wasn’t a easy night for me. It didn’t change the fact that I felt betrayed, I cried, I talked about it, I talked about him assasinating his character, I soaked and then I went out to dinner with one of my close friends and we laughed. I need that!

It wasn’t easy trust me but now here we are a month and some change later and by the grace of God I have no ill feelings inside when her father takes her for the weekend. Lately I’m asking him what days is he coming to pick her up and I’m glad to send her but that’s only by God’s Grace and His guidance.

Peyton’s 3rd Birthday holding a present from her dad

You know when you pray and ask God for something you always think it’s going to come one way but it ends up coming another.Even though it hurts it also causes something different to happen inside of us as well. It causes GROWTH. I use to pray to God when my daughter’s father was incarcerated for time to myself and here He was giving it to me but not in the way I expected it. Lol God is a character, funny man.

Through this specific situation I prayed several times asking God to heal me from any scars or wounds because I felt like a wound that had been healing was just peeled off again, and now I would have to feel the stinging while I heal.

My healing didn’t start happening though until I apologized to her father for bashing him. Whether he was wrong or not that didn’t give me the okay to talk bad about him. And yes it was hard for me to do, but it’s all for my good. I’m learning to trust God when I’m in the pit so that he can trust me when he brings me to the palace.

There are situations that God is intrusting us with because he wants to see if we will endure hardship or are we going to through in the towel especially in unfavorable situations.

Trust Him! He’s going to see you through.

Let’s push through “the process”

Be sweet 🍯

The Turning Point

Wow !!!! I can honestly say that the turning point in my life was when my daughter was 6 months old ( above pictures she’s 1 month and 1/2 lol). A few months earlier I decided that I wanted to try to do the whole “family” thing with my daughter’s father. In the mist of that decision he told me that another woman was “saying” that she was pregnant with his child. He told me that there was a 99% chance that it wasn’t his child. Which played a big part on why I decided to proceed forward even though my gut feeling was telling me not to.

Side note:

You ever have a gut feeling about something and choose not to go with the better choice of judgement based upon someone else’s actions or words ? I definitely have been guilty of this.

The good thing about that is God has a way of working everything about our story into His Story!

I remember the day that the woman went to the hospital like it was yesterday. I was scared, nervous, confused, heartbroken, and supportive all in one nutshell. Then I went into work sat at my desk and received a phone call from my cousin. This call was not good at all. It added flame to the fire that was already brewing inside of me it added to my uncertainty.

I was conflicted, I was angry, I was hurt, I felt like a fool to keep holding on to hope for a person who wouldn’t even be honest and upfront. There I was staring at my computer screen but not really. With tears streaming down my face. I didn’t know that that phone call would be the one that would lead me in the arms of my Heavenly Father (I mean not right away but through a process).

I remember telling my mother, I need to go to church. It’s funny when I watch my words come back to bit me on the but. The Bible tells us “life and death is in the tongue and those who love to talk will eat on it” (paraphrasing) well y’all I was eatting my words because the very church I said wasn’t for me at 16 years old was the very church that feed my spirit and grew me up at the age of 23.

God came for me when I felt like I couldn’t trust no one. Jesus came to walk me though what healing actually is, it hasn’t been easy. But it was though one of my darkest times that I learned to trust in Him, allowing Him to take the lead.

I also realize that my daughter and her brother was a driving force to get me to my predestined place. I call them hidden blessings.

If there is anything that is happening in your life or has happened that you felt has turned your life around in any way? I would love to hear about it. Until next time.

Be Sweet 🍯

The SET Back

There’s always a time in life were  it seems like we’ve been set back. Whether it’s not going to school at the right time, having a unplanned baby, or even staying at a job longer than suppose to be. I’ve had many moments in my life where I’m like, “dang, I feel stuck I’m not moving, or I’ve been here way to long but I don’t know what to do”.

Those are the moments when I secretly start to regret decisions that I have made in the past.

I’ve resented those around me who are moving forward and seem able to make decisive choices about where they want to be and what they need to be doing. Not realizing that they had a process that they had to go through too.

It’s funny to me how the world makes it seem so easy to choose or make a choice and stand on that choice. But when it all boils down sticking to a decision can be the hardest thing. Our choices not just effect us but those around us now and those who will be around us in the future. So when pondering my life I had to come to the realization that even my sets backs are an opportunity.

An opportunity for God to use me in a way that is fit for my life. And if I allowed Him to just use me for His will then He would shape me into the Woman I AM suppose to be. Even our set back are weaved into our journey though life as unperfect creatures. We see that it the lives of both Joseph and Daniel in the Bible. Like really who would have thought that being put in a pit by his brothers would lead him to the very kingship that he dreamed about (read Genesis 37-50). Or being dragged out of his country would have lead him to be one of the head government officials in the kings court (read Daniel).

Embracing them isn’t a easy thing. I sit back and wonder often how my life would be if I didn’t have a child out of wedlock and how different it would be if I wasn’t a single mother. But the truth of the matter is it would have been different but that doesn’t mean it would have been any easier. Sometimes we use our thoughts to counteract other thoughts to make ourself feel better instead of embracing the process that is for us (I’m clearly guilty off).

I’m ready to embrace ME … embrace YOU with me!

Be Sweet 🍯